I always thought at this point in my life I would be extremely content. I would be content with the approaching end of my time in the mandatory public school system that has dictated my life for the past thirteen years. I would be content with my college choice. I would be content with the idea of the approaching opportunities of independence. But to be completely honest, I am far from contentedness.
My senior year in high school has been a rollercoaster of emotions and, to me, the battle that ensued has been even more difficult than the notorious junior year. As I have watched seniors in the past walk the stage and head off to what appeared to be their dream college, it seemed as if all of those individuals were overwhelmingly happy and understood how life worked. This resulted in a false assumption of what senior year is like. I was utterly disappointed upon discovering the true nature of the grueling final year.
During the last year, I have realized that a state of perfect content does not exist. The innate tendencies of humans does not allow for such. We are always searching for something more. We may achieve a goal, but greediness pushes us to yearn for more. Our longing for certain things is practically never satisfied, which translates to our never-ending state of discontent. While this sounds detrimental to our emotional being, I believe this inability to find content has prompted our society to become the amazing spectacle that it is. Without someone’s discontentedness with our mediums of communication, we would not be surfing the Internet right now. Without the discontent caused by the nuisance of darkness, we would likely not have access to the electricity that fuels our life as we know it. Discontentedness might hurt, but it is pushing you to work even harder to overcome what makes you so unhappy.
Although I honestly believe that there is no such thing as a state of perfect content, I think at this point in my life, I could be a lot less discontent. This has led me to question many of the decisions I have made, wondering if there is something that I could have possible done different. I have been harping on the past, wishing I could have been more bold, more dedicated. But during the past few weeks, I have realized that this obsession with my former decisions is not going to change my current situation. I am discontent. But rather than channeling my thoughts and energy to what has already passed, I have begun to accept that if I focus on the future, I may still be able to come closer to contentedness. There is still a way for me to achieve my goals, I may just have to take the longer route. And by doing that, I hope I will better appreciate the brief moment of content that I earn.